hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
