totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
