Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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