did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
