Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
