So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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