but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
