Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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