why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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