I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
