Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
