It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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