in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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