A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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