Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize