I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Less talking, more tequila
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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