We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
