I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
