Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
