Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
