I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
