some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
