dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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