Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
