Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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