they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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