I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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