why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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