So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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