and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
