the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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