youre lurking in front of me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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