how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
