I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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