So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
