Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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