They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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