My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
