you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
