I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
