dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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