i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
