Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
