# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
