Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
