So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ttyl tear gas
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
