We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
