hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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