I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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