She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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