Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
