somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like eating out sand paper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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