We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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