Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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