Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
