we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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