Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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