we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
