dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
