She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
