its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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