I want to have your abortion
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
