i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
