I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
