you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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