bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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