Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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