it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
