if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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