could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
