YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
