Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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