Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
