we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
