Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize