i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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